Warning: Please avoid liquids while reading.
I’ve started this blog a dozen-plus times…on paper.
And lost count of how many times I’ve re-developed it…in my mind.
The other morning, I woke up trembling…
With the message literally buzzing to be released from my fingertips.
I wrote it all out and had to shut my computer.
Too hot. Too messy. Too much.
[See, that didn’t take long, now did it?]
You see, the last 6 weeks have been INTENSE as I’ve been working my way through an enormous pile of st*ry.
Of course, I knew I asked for it when I started working on my book and re-branding…and asking myself, “How do I articulate why the work we do here is so important?”
It’s like The Wind heard my intention and tornadoed my world with more “inspiration.” That’s right. Not the soft breeze of transcendent insight that makes your heart expand with joy. Oh no, it was a st*rystorm of epic proportions, full of interactions with clients, colleagues, and loved ones that tore through my world and demanded attention—breaking my heart, pissing me off, and waking me up trembling “for apparently no reason.”
But there is a reason.
It appears that most people don’t know that
WORDS MATTER.
And I don’t just mean, “Words are important.”
I mean, “Words BECOME…”
That’s right…words CREATE in the same frequency they are spoken.
That’s why I cringe [and sometimes flush with anger] when ST*RY and WORDS SPLATTER on others with no intention or mindfulness…
- At the grocery store, when the well-intentioned but exhausted mother says to her four-year-old daughter, “If you don’t hang on to this cart, a bad man will find you and take you away from me, and you’ll never see me again.” The little girl grips the cart, wide-eyed, and I say a prayer for her and the day when she loses sight of her mother in a store and her expectation of becoming prey in such a scenario manifests as more than a potential.
- The woman who was raped in college but decides to become part of the solution as a sex ed. teacher, yet ends up saying something to the effect of, “Statistically, the majority of you boys will become perpetrators”without giving them the tools and skills they need to avoid it. Clearly, her unhealed st*ry has her focused on “what is wrong with the world [and men in particular]” and just splattered on the minds of young boys and seeded a possibility as a probability.
- During a mentor call, when the guide coaches from their painful learning experience on the same topic instead of digging deeper into the client’s. Maybe this was her moment to trust and leap, but that guide’s st*ry made her hesitate, overthink, second-guess, and miss out on the magic that was unfolding.
- Or…closer to home, writing the first draft of this blog. The rage I was feeling about all of these unconscious messages and the horrible impact they are creating splattered all over the page. If I’d sent that version out, I would have made a big mess. You would have been so stunned, and likely triggered, by the energy emanating from the screen that you would have missed the message I was trying to get across.
Okay, you get the point.
Our words matter…
and so does the energy with which we speak them.
We are literally speaking our world
into existence with every word.
And frankly, we could be doing a better job here,
don’t you agree?
I mean, we have REALLY good intentions.
We want our children to be safe.
We want to stop sexual abuse.
We want to help others avoid the mistakes we’ve made.
We want to create more mindfulness around certain topics that matter to us.
And…
If we still have some backst*ry to clean up [and yes, the kind that smells], then it’s our responsibility to take a breather and be more mindful…so we don’t create more of a mess than a message.
But how?
It’s as simple as asking the question:
What are the words that will CREATE WHAT WE WANT?
- The exhausted mother: “Honey, I love you and it’s really important that you stay close to me in this store. Hey, how about this? If you hang on to the side of this cart and stay close to mommy, you can have this box of animal cookies in the car?” With some eye-level eye contact, the mother could invite their child to build their capacity for impulse control with this motivation and reminders through the store.
- The wounded sex ed teacher: “You know, the statistics of sexual abuse are startling, but I think that’s evidence that most young men and women are not taught what’s appropriate and respectful behavior, or how to speak up for themselves when something doesn’t feel right. And when those hormones surge, and it’s hard to think straight, I want you to remember this: YOU can decide to be in control of your mind and body. I know you all want to grow up and have healthy relationships, so let’s talk about what a healthy relationship looks like and what words and behaviors will help you create one for yourself.” With some eye contact and a quick story of how she was impacted by this lack of skill-building, she would have all of those boys and girls engaged in the inquiry of how they could experience something far better.
- The coach: “Wow, you know, I can tell you about the mistakes I’ve made, but the truth is that you’re the only one who knows for sure: Is this your moment to slow down and strategize some more, or is this your moment to take the leap and trust that all the work you’ve done is ready to pay off big? Here are some questions to help you get closer to clarity on this…” With some powerful questions, this guide could help her find her own inner guidance and dispel any fears that were coming up.
- Me: “Hey…how about we try to be more mindful about these words because they ‘matter’?” With just the right amount of poop references, I can get the same point across without all angst. 🙂
Your words matter.
So don’t splatter. 🙂
Of course, there will always be some messiness to clean up BECAUSE WE ARE HUMAN, but how much unnecessary suffering can we eliminate with a little mindfulness…as a spouse, a parent, a friend, a sibling, a coach, a messenger?
A big ol’ pile of it, for certain.
What do you think?
I’d LOVE to hear back from you…
– Do you feel overly messy or measured with your words?
– What backst*ry keeps you feeling messy?
If you’re looking for some real support with your backst*ry
[the cause of the messy outbursts and undermined intentions],
check out the Break Through Your Story Ceiling Workshop.
check out the Break Through Your Story Ceiling Workshop.