The Story I'd Rather NOT Tell…

For 6 months, I experienced crazy amounts of magic. It was like living in a parallel universe.

In October, I was inspired to write Upside-Down Mommy and make it a bestseller on March 8, 2013.

And, of course, in a short amount of time, the dream had expanded to include a bestseller campaign with a 3-day Dare to YES transformational retreat and a huge Dare to Dream celebration at the end. 

Every time I thought about it, I could FEEL IT in my bones – the impact of the dream…

  • I would finally have written my own book.

 

  • I would be able to rest, knowing that the message I am here to bring to the world is on paper.

 

  • Readers’ lives would never be the same.

 

  • The bestseller status would make the book more visible.

 

  • The people in and connected to my community would have all of their beliefs about “how hard it is to write a book and make it a bestseller” challenged and hopefully dispelled.

 

  • Those who attended the retreat and celebration would experience more hope and transformation than in any other room I’ve facilitated, just on the other side of this type of dream manifesting for me.

 

And then one of my clients contacted me to ask for my immediate help after he’d been told he had 30 days before the cancer took his ability to leave all of the lessons he’d gathered with the world. Of course, my team put everything else (including my book) to the back burner and made it happen for him.

And then a few other clients needed book production on super-human timelines…and we did it…

And I looked up at the end of December and had 3 weeks to write the book if it was going to get through editing, design, and production in time for the campaign…and I did it…

And then created other tele-seminars and communities and content to fill in all of the gaps as we unfolded the campaign…

The book hit #1 a whole week before we released it…

The 3-day Dare to YES transformational retreat was like nothing I’ve ever experienced…

And the Dare to Dream event…well, I still have people reaching out to tell me how a few hours in that space completely changed their lives.

That’s the part of the story I love to tell…because it’s AWESOME! It was so obvious that the Inspiration had been Divine, and that everything that I needed to make it happen was provided… 

But then…the inevitable happened. I mostly expected it. After all, it’s what I teach my authors:

On the other side of the Caterpillar Craze (the inspiration, synchronicity, and manifestation that happens after you uncover your message, purpose, and intention),
is the phase I affectionately call Upside-Down Danger.

It took a few weeks to set in.

I could feel it coming on, and I knew what it was.

And I did what I teach others…I relaxed into it…cocooned myself with self-love and reached out for the support of those who showed up to help.

I didn’t bother opening my computer, making phone calls, or pushing to make anything happen for a few weeks. I took care of my body with yoga, my soul with meditation, and my family with my time and love. I read a few books, not to coach, but to feed my soul.

I was really good at this cocooning thing…for a few weeks…until I wasn’t.

When is this Upside-Down going to end? !?!?! I want to be back in the magic. I don’t want to do any of this (referring to the stuff that had piled up on my desk). I REFUSE to do anything without Inspiration. I REFUSE to WORK HARD. I want to be inspired…to see the next step…

Silence…

And then…the voices…you know, those ones that come from our ego…

Where are you, Amanda?
What’s wrong with you?
Why aren’t you out there — speaking, writing, and growing the business?
What are people going to think of you?

What kind of an example are you being to your community right now?
Come on, you’ve been preaching MAGIC…where’d it go?
And what did you do wrong to make it go?

So I sat with it…kinda like a tantruming little girl, on the floor, with my arms crossed and full-pout taking over my face.

I explored all of these questions and insecurities, seriously worried that something was horribly wrong… 

I should be able to do SOMETHING! Write a blog…make some phone calls…extend invitations to retreats…

The Upside-Down shouldn’t last this long. The last extended Upside-Down in the MTS program (taking 3 years to complete a 1-year program!) was the result of me refusing to love myself through the process of transformation. Aren’t I doing that right now?

And…in the silence, one of my girlfriend’s voice echoed. The month before the launch, she was hanging out with me, amazed with all the stories of what was happening and how effortlessly it was happening. And then right before she left, she looked me in the eyes and said, “Who are you going to be when this book is done?”

“What do you mean?”

“For six years, you’ve been ‘the person who has wanted to write the book.’ Who will you be when this is done?”

I laughed it off and said, “An author…who has finally finished a book!”

But there, in the silence, I got it. She was giving me a message before I even needed to hear it.

I was asking the wrong question. It wasn’t, “What am I supposed to DO?” It was, “Who am I NOW? Who will I BE NOW?”

Oh yeah. I tell my authors this ALL THE TIME.

Our Message IS Our Answer…
to every question, challenge, and upside-down that comes our way…
And every upside-down is a Divine Invitation to uncover more of who we are and
heal the wounds and replace the lies about ourselves that keep us
from experiencing the miracle of who we are every day.

I was facing just another opportunity to own my message of Upside-Down and Butterfly Impact.

If you’ve read my book, you may remember the part where I talk about the cause of the Upside-Down.

Upside-Down happens after an expansion of our perception of who we are. I talked about how children always regress a bit after they make a big leap. They finally string words together…and get really excited…and then the next day, they have trouble speaking words at all. A child development specialist once told me this is not only a natural process, but it will happen faster if I don’t “mess it up by trying to make it better.” All I needed to do was shower him with love while he was “catching up with himself.”

There, on the yoga mat, I got it. I uncrossed my arms and let go.

Okay, I get it. I’m catching up. Those six months of magic completely demolished so many of my beliefs about who I am and what’s possible for me, for others, and for the world. And now I’m asking what to DO when my IMPACT is not about what I DO…it’s about WHO I BE…this is an integration of the lesson Ruben shared last year. I’ll wait…

And that’s what I did.

That’s why you all haven’t heard from me…

Even though all of the “traditional business advisors” told me that taking a time-out was a mistake…

I chose to follow my Guidance and cocoon, so I wouldn’t “mess it up by trying to make it better…”

And just in the last few weeks, I found my answer to that: “Who am I going to BE?”

And the inspirations for “What I am going to DO?” are beginning to emerge…

Stay tuned…

In the next few months, I’ll be sharing some of what has been coming through and inviting you to accept those Divine Invitations to uncover more of who you are and what you are here to do…

You’ll see this butterfly strengthening her wings for the next season and stepping off that branch to Trust the Wind and do what I came here to do: Be, Facilitate, and Enjoy Impact. 

In the meantime…

For those of you whose hearts are racing and stomachs are turning, here are a few things that helped me: 

Questions:

  1. Who are you? And what value are you here to give to the world?
  2. Where are you feeling Upside-Down?
  3. What would it take for you to relax into it…instead of trying to make it better?
  4. What if your Upside-Down is not a punishment but an opportunity to go deeper into your healing so you can go further in your LIFE?

Practices:

  1. Spiritual: Stay connected. Pray, meditate, journal, dialogue with your God…and LISTEN.
  2. Physical: Take care of your body with good food, water, and movement. Try YOGA!
  3. Emotional: Reach out to the people (who are safe for you) and ask them to remind you of who you are…

NOTE: If you don’t have anyone who feels safe, reach out to us here at True to Intention.

 

2 thoughts on “The Story I'd Rather NOT Tell…”

  1. Many Blessings to you, Amanda.
    You are truly a beautiful, brilliant, delightful butterfly that inspires everyone who sees you.

    I see you…
    Much Love,
    Jan

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