"I feel like I've been set free!" (oh wait)

“I feel like I’ve been set free!” she exclaimed only two days after I became her primary caregiver.

I smiled, grateful for the affirmation that The Wind had guided us here.

For the next two weeks, my family watched in amazement at what unfolded.

She began walking straighter and faster, and ‘retired the walker’ she’s relied on for years.

She started asking for, rather than demanding, help.

She offered compliments, rather than criticism.

She had more energy and stayed up three hours later than her norm has been for years.

When she went to bed, we all asked each other, “Did you see her today?”

When family came over, they noticed.

She looked like 20 years of her aging life had been given back to her.

And then it happened…

 

We’d been waiting for almost 90 minutes, and I could tell she was already beside herself.

Sitting in those uncomfortable chairs,
being virtually ignored by the unconscious people behind the desk,
and feeling like her appointment was stealing my time….

It was quite the recipe…

When they finally called her name and dilated her eyes, my kiddo and I watched the last of the energetic, happy, ‘set free’ lady slowly disappear as doctors asked her questions (she couldn’t hear) and motioned for her to read letters (she couldn’t see), and then did tests that made her whole world turn bright red and scary.

My son was wide-eyed as we watched her, very literally, fold into her self emotionally and physically.

The walk to the car was an epic nightmare for her. The combination of her eye problem and the eye serum turned her world into what looked like red, flowing lava.

Afraid to take each step, she dug deep for her courage, and we finally made it.

We got her home and to bed before my son finally asked the question, “What happened to her today?”

“That, my Love, is what happens when people experience some level of freedom and possibility without healing the stuff that cripples them on the inside.” I paused, looking for the right words. “You’ve heard her talk about her childhood. She was hurt at a young age, and there were no therapists or life coaches around to help her truly, deeply heal. So she got spunky the last few weeks because she was given some room to push her edge and find out what she’s still capable of physically, but emotionally…she can be triggered and sent back to a dark place at the drop of a hat.”

“Yeah, she looked so scared. At first, I thought it was her being dramatic, but by the time we across the parking lot, I knew there was something more going on.”

He gave me a hug and left the room – probably to find a way to shake off everything he had just witnessed – leaving me with my own thoughts…

I know she’ll probably bounce back physically in a few days, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to help her rewrite this story. All I can do is love her – in the midst of her “I do it myself!” independence and moments like the ones we experienced with her today.

As I watched him leave the room, I took a deep breath.

 

This is why I do the work that I do, the way I do it.

The inspiration to share a message – as a book, a presentation, or a workshop – is so often a Divine Invitation to go back and not just rewrite those old stories, but to heal them.

 

How many times have I watched both aspiring (and seasoned) MessagePreneurs reach the edge of their freedom, excitement, and possibility…and then fold into themselves?

Some of them disappeared off the scene forever, thinking “I don’t have enough time, money, or energy,” or that “It was just too hard.”

Some of them changed directions in their messaging/branding, thinking that the reason it wasn’t working was because they had the wrong one, and ended up completely confusing their market. “Wait, are they still helping people with ____?” or “Last time I got an email from them, they were offering different services on a completely different topic. Is this the same person?!?”

Or worse, some of them, in changing the messaging/branding, appeared to abandon their soul’s true intention and lose the pure fire that once drove them. They exchanged deeper messages/brands of transformation and healing for promises to help people grow their businesses and change the world.

 

And how many people have I watched find a ‘new method/modality of healing their lives’ and exclaim “I’ve been set free (from that story, wound, or problem)!” and then BAM! Something happens and they fold into themselves?

So many… They forget that their healing started LONG BEFORE this last modality, and probably haven’t realized that the new one wouldn’t have helped if the old one hadn’t either. They don’t realize that healing happens in layers. They feel better, so that must be it. But then something happens, and they ask themselves again, “Wait. I thought I had healed this? What’s wrong with me?”

 

How many times have I hit my own ‘inner ceiling,’ crashing into an old belief or wound that needed healing before I moved forward?

So many times…and if I hadn’t done the inside work, even when it meant taking a break from the business for longer than anyone would recommend, I never would have continued on the path that I knew was my True Intention.

It started to feel too dangerous: “Every time I achieve something amazing, the same sort of (self-)betrayal happens and costs me dearly. The first time, I almost lost my marriage. The second time, it meant losing tens of thousands of dollars. The third time, I almost lost my health.

No, I couldn’t continue growing something without healing the wounds that kept attracting predators and tangling me in a cycle of self-betrayal.

 

The path of healing and returning to Love happens in layers and cycles.

We push our edge of freedom and possibility…

And then we go upside-down to let go and heal (more deeply) the stories that continue to sabotage that freedom and our dreams…

And then we emerge from the healing feeling like a new creature, strengthen our wings, and take flight and share the elixir…

And then we find the edge again…

And so it continues… 

 

To think that this cycle ever ends is a set-up for disappointment and depression…and even worse.

Look at what happened in Charleston in June!

Sure, there’s a level of racial freedom that has been legislated for half a century, but man, we have a lot more work to do to heal and return to Love when it comes to Race.

And now, after the new marriage law has been passed, Religion and Sexual Orientation have their own path of healing.

Yes, there’s more freedom. But omg, there’s so much more work to do – for all of us.


As MessagePreneurs…

We are not being punished or deterred.

We are being invited to heal and rewrite.

We are not being guided away from.

We are being asked to do the work it takes
to become and sustain our True Intention.

 

And as Humans…

We are not done yet.

We cannot relax into, “I feel like I’ve been set free,” or “They have freedom now.”

The external looks like it’s moving forward, but if we don’t do the internal work to sustain it, tragedies like Charleston will continue.

Because it’s not really about Freedom, as much as it is about going back to those initial wounds and bringing Love with us…

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “"I feel like I've been set free!" (oh wait)”

  1. I resonate with this article 100%.
    How many times will we cycle? It is a question that can keep us stuck in the why that spins us when instead we could be asking a much more powerful question of the why that motivates us. I love your struggle Amanda and ally he incredible insight it has given you to share. I also love that right when I get to the edge of my latest layer, you’re there writing articles like this to remind me…
    Keep going. Don’t fold. At least not as a finality. Return to the path of love. Keep following your feet.

    Xoxo, De’Anna

    1. De’Anna, I don’t know how I missed this comment, but thank you so very much. It’s actually showing itself to me at the perfect time actually…of course. 🙂 xoxoxo

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