Feeling Worthy

What the…?

I sat up on the couch and grabbed the remote to rewind the scene I’d watched a dozen times since I was little… and never really heard… or understood. (You can watch it here.)

The sphinxes open their eyes and OBLITERATE the warrior who does not feel his own worth.

Pause. It felt like I’d been punched in the gut.


I dropped back into the squishy couch next to my husband and shook my head, my brain working overtime to remember the details of the other half-dozen times the word WORTH and its many iterations (worthy, worthiness, deserving, etc.) had entered my awareness over the past few days.

– cards from 4 of the 6 people who sent them for my New Year message had something to say about standing in my worth and allowing myself to receive what I deserve…

– the words of an astrologer reading my chart: “This one transit has probably been making you second-guess your worth… good news is that it’s coming to an end soon…”

– a long conversation with someone I adore about what it means to be worthy of love—how it’s so different than what we learned about earning it through some kind of performance, how it differs from what does have to be earned in relationship, and how we have to behave like it’s true for a long time until we actually feel the truth

It’s a language that everyone understands but few use intentionally. It’s medicine with blueprints of better narratives for those paying attention. It’s an invitation to connect with oneself and others more honestly.

This was an immediate invitation to test of some of my most essential beliefs… not just about MY WORTH but about WORTHINESS itself.

We’re worthy of love because we breathe.

“Are we?”

But there is something we have to earn, isn’t there?

Respect? Trust? Capacity?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve learned the hard lesson of respecting and trusting those who haven’t really earned it.

But you know what else I’ve learned?

The painful lesson of trusting people’s Capacity before they believed in it themselves.

It’s part of the gift I’ve been given for my work in the world: When I sit with someone and hear their vision and story, I can see it all. The message. The framework. The truest version of the soul that came here to learn it, share it, and live it.

But oh my… some of my most painful lessons—betrayals that I eventually came to realize were actually self-betrayals—have been the result of me trusting enough in people’s Capacity to do something before they believe it themselves.

And in Neverending Story, that’s what is being addressed. Not whether the warrior feels worthy of love,
but whether he feels worthy of
the QUEST he’s trying to complete.

Holy moly…

Think about that…

If this story is really an invitation to deeper awareness and connection…

What does that mean for those of us who have committed to quests… of any size?

Want to change the world?
Well, do you believe you’re worthy of that quest?
Yes? Pass through the gate and continue on your merry way.
No? Be turned into dust.

Determined to change a system that’s not working?
Well, do you believe you’re worthy of that quest?
Yes? Go get it.
No? Goodbye, dreams of a better future.

Committed to changing generational narratives in your family?
Well, do you believe you’re worthy of that quest?
Yes? Go forth and make it happen.
No? Sorry, kids. You’ll face the same destructive story loop.

It was fascinating and extremely useful experience as I set out to be an entrepreneur, which basically meant a whole career of slamming into my limits and wondering if I am worthy of the quest before me and watching others do the same.

My dad’s fix was, “Assume the position,” and Engywook might have said, “Feel your worthiness…” because “fancy armor doesn’t help. They see straight into your heart.”

But me?

Well, after twenty years of this, my go-to question at the gate is, “What would make you feel worthy of the quest?”

If you’ve been a client, you are probably already hearing the question I’ve asked so many times: “What would make you feel SAFE to move forward?”

When I’ve reached the gates after creating a whole lot of safety for myself— contracts, alliances, superpowers, systems, routines, etc.—I’ve passed through the gates mostly unscathed.

But holy hell…
It’s true.

When I have failed to create that safety that would allow me to feel worthy and capable of the quest before me, I have experienced levels of obliteration that I wasn’t sure I could come back from.

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