"I'm doing this because…"

“Just my two cents.
You already know this stuff.
Maybe you just need to trust yourself.
That’s a lot of money.”

The divine timing couldn’t have been more perfect. I had just opened up a Word doc and written, “Subject: ‘I’m doing this because…’” when I heard the ‘ding, ding’ of Facebook tempting me away from figuring out how to share this AHA I’ve had over the last week.

After my Soul Ache blog last week, she emailed me right away to find out more. We’ve exchanged a few notes back and forth, and then this popped up today.

First, I have to say she’s one of my dearest friends and obviously really believes in me and wants what’s best for me, and I love her beyond words for all of that, and who she is, and how she’s always been there for me.

And, what I realized, as I read her sweet words, is that DOING THIS THING that my soul aches for is ALL ABOUT TRUSTING MYSELF, and that all of the conversations and coaching sessions I’ve experienced this last week have been confirming it and guiding me to some new Clarifying Questions that led to many breakthroughs this week, for me and others!

_____

“Do you think this opportunity could be a test?
And not exactly the answer to my prayer?”

 

It was 6am when I sent the text to one of my soul sisters.

As if she’d been waiting for it,
she replied…

“In what way?”

Nestling into my prayer blanket,
I shared the concerns that
had reared their heads overnight.

 

“I just don’t want to use old thinking here.
It’s BIG.
(and I just let go of the need for ‘BIG’.)
It’s TRAVEL, meaning time away from Home
when the Homefront is on the cusp of big transitions.
I want to make sure that I’m doing this for the right reasons,
that I’m living in integrity with my priorities.”

 

“You said your soul ached for it.”

“Yes, it does.”

 

“And…?”

Her quick and vague response made me catch my breath.

 

“Oh. Yeah.
That’s been the lesson this year, right?
My soul.

Not ignoring it.
Not pushing down my desires.

Not compromising for the comfort of others.”

 

🙂   

That was all she said.

“Okay, I get it.
It IS a test.
I’d seriously regret not following my Soul Ache.
I don’t want to push it away anymore.

It’s an old story that me following my Soul Ache
will hurt/disrupt/disappoint others. 

New story…
Following my Soul Ache allows me to be more me,
to give from a place of complete LOVE

instead of sacrifice.”

 

“Sounds like a good rewrite to me!”

“Thank you.
Here. 
I. Go!”

 —–

A few days later…

“I did it.”

The text startled me.

“You did what?”

“I broke it off.”

“Wow. Really?”

“Yes, and I feel like I can breathe again.”

“Yay!”

We had talked several times over the last few weeks, about what to do about this relationship. And as I saw this last text come in, I thought back to one of those conversations.

She’d told me it didn’t feel good, but she didn’t want to let him go and then regret it.

Without thinking, I blurted, “I don’t know if we get to escape Regret. I think it’s about Choosing the Regret. If you break up with him, you may regret the loss of a friend and all that came with it. If you don’t break up with him, you may regret never listening to your heart and doing what feels good for your soul.”

Hmmmm…choosing the regret.

—–

A few days later…

I was facilitating an exercise with an aspiring author to uncover what was blocking her from pursuing this dream of writing, and she began talking about a novel she’s wanted to write for more than a decade.

As soon as she mentioned it, her entire being changed.

She sat up straighter, her shoulders were open and back, her face LIT UP with excitement, and her hands began to move with her accelerating words.

The other participant and I shot each other a quick glance, quietly affirming that we were both witnessing this…

Yes, this was a Soul Ache.

And by the time we finished working together, it was clear that her soul did not want to move forward without that dream being nurtured.

So, do ‘the thing she should do’ or ‘that everyone expects her to do’?

Or, say YES to her Soul’s Ache to be creative and play with a story?

Is this choosing regret, or just listening to the loudest Soul Ache?

—–

A few days later…

“Amanda, what do I work on?” her voice was full of angst and annoyance.

“What do you want to work on?” I turned my body to face her, so I could watch her expression.

“I don’t know. I want a lot of things.” She looked down at her hands thoughtfully.

I pulled out my toolbox and took her through a clarifying process that I’ve begun to use at my retreats.

In ten minutes, she could see what she wanted, what was blocking those desires, and how close she was to each of them.

“So…3 options…pursue the possibility of expanding your family, pursue the expansion of your business, or pursue a different answer to this health question you’ve had. Now you can see the blocks and how simple they are to get around.”

“Yeah, so what do I choose?”

“Well, what do you want more?” I emphasized that last word.

She sighed. “I want all of it. I don’t want to sacrifice any of those things. I want all of it.” Tears brimmed as she shrugged her shoulders.

And then I remembered the question…

“What would you regret more?”

She shot a surprised glance up at me before answering. “What do you mean?”

“We only have so many days on this earth, right? If you were to get to the end of your life, which of these would you regret not pursuing…the most?”

The answer flew out of her mouth, “Pursuing the expansion of my family.” And then the words continued to tumble, “The health piece is already being worked on, and there’s no real urgency to it.” She took a deep breath. “And the business…I could do that for the rest of my life if I wanted to. I don’t have to be young for it, like I want to be if I’m going to pursue parenting another child.” And then it hit her… “I don’t have to choose or sacrifice. It’s just like we always say, ‘We can have it all, but maybe not all at once.’ Maybe this needs to happen in phases: Family, Health, Business.”

Her whole being relaxed in front of me.

“It also looks,” she pointed at a few of the objects, “like this decision isn’t completely up to me, and that if I force it, things could go badly.” She looked up at me, suddenly clear, “But what I really want most of all…is to know that I at least tried…and that I gave this (Soul Ache) a chance.”

Hmmmm…I don’t want to regret not giving it a chance…

—– 

And now today…

I blinked at the screen for a quick moment, not just rereading her message, but REALLY CHECKING MYSELF and my motivations as I read it:

“Just my two cents.
You already know this stuff.

Maybe you just need to trust yourself.
That’s a lot of money.”

After everything I’ve witnessed this week, the answer came through so quickly and easily:

“Yes, it is all about trusting myself…
that’s why I’m saying YES.

Because my soul is saying there is something
I’ve been aching for in that community.
I don’t know if it has anything to do with business.
I just know that I have to listen to the Ache.”

Choosing the discomfort of the Big Investment, the Inconvenience of so many more things to do in preparation (flights, lodging, passports, etc.) is easy when I consider the regret I would feel if I didn’t give my Soul Ache a chance…

I’m doing this because my soul is aching for it…

I’m doing it because I would regret not giving my Soul’s Ache a chance…

……

What would I regret more?

What is the loudest Soul Ache?

What else can I do today to give my Soul Aches a chance?

p.s. I seriously have the most amazing friends, and I’m grateful for every one of you. 🙂
You know who you are…

 

2 thoughts on “"I'm doing this because…"”

  1. Great article Amanda and you know I’d follow you on any journey you were on. You help me with break through’s as well. Well Women Network and MeTime journal and Taming your hormones are my soul aches and I am following them as well. Love you friend.

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