“You know what’s great about this show?” my teenager started as I wiped my tears. “It’s the only show that I’ve seen that assumes that life happens FOR us, not TO us.”
We’d just finished the season finale of “God Friended Me,” and despite the somewhat cheesy lines and overcooked acting, the message of the show keeps us coming back every week:
Higher Self, The Co-author, The Wind, The Evolutionary Impulse.)
(I didn’t say that It creates the challenges.)
and all It can do is keep sending hope and help through willing messengers?
After 10 years of hearing people’s stories and helping them share their messages on pages and stages, I am convinced.
It’s not a question for me.
I have not met one person who, after organizing their narrative,
But there’s a difference between KNOWING something is true
and LIVING AS IF something is true.
One of my favorite messengers is regularly asked whether he believes in God, and his answer is always something to the tune of, “That’s not an easy question to answer.” Having studied beliefs and the psyche for the better part of his life, he says that our true beliefs can be seen in our behaviors, not our words. So, while he may have a lot of evidence to say there is a God, his question is always: Do I live every day as if there is a God?
Do they sometimes, but not others?
As you know, simply by the name of my business, my highest value is Integrity and the whole “congruence of words and actions with truth” is everything to me. My mom would tell you that I came into the world with high standards, and my closest allies would tell you that most of my life has been lived in pursuit of embodying them to the best of my ability.
The problem is, like most people, I suffered significant betrayals as a little one because no one told me that “to be human is to be flawed and to hurt others, no matter your good intentions — sometimes even because of your good intentions.”
So, I lost trust.
If you’ve heard me speak, you’ve heard me say that I believe I was inspired to share messages and create True To Intention, not simply to change the world as I initially thought, but to heal my own story. This means, at every turn, with every client and every new program launch, I get at least one opportunity to see where I’m still not trusting myself, others, and even my Co-Author and then do the work to heal.
2019 was quite the opportunity for me to see how far I’ve come as well as challenge some of those “certainties that my Co-Author has my back” to the point that if I didn’t really surrender and live as if they were true, I would have shattered into pieces at some points and missed out on gut-busting joy in others.
And of course, as I sit at the edge of 2020, looking out at what My Co-Author seems to be writing into the year’s events, I can be grateful for every single one of those challenges because I know I would be terrified of what’s ahead if I hadn’t been so well-prepared.
If not for the “free-fall” retreat of January 2019, where I was only given the first exercise (versus the entire curriculum), I would not know that the structures I’d created had been scaffolding ME, not my clients, for ten years. I needed them articulated outside of myself until I was able to witness and trust that it was actually our PRESENCE and LOVE inside of a safe structure that allowed people to experience healing and transformation.
If not for the terrifying litigation that started in March 2019, and the patience of the people supporting me, I may never have heard the statement: “If you don’t object, you consent,” which made so much of my life make sense and helped me to reclaim more agency in my relationships and business.
If not for the second “free-fall” retreat of April 2019, I wouldn’t be so focused on bringing uncomfortable levels of fun and play (improv) into the collaborative project we’re launching next year (and know that the supply list is going to have to include diapers). Teehee.
If my car hadn’t rolled across the parking lot at Whole Foods, I may have continued with my faulty assumption about its ability to turn off when in Drive; and who knows what the consequences of that could have been? Maybe that mistake was actually a gift that saved someone’s life.
If I hadn’t double-booked Aaron’s drivers ed on top of other activities, I would have missed out on a few dozen hours of good conversation and laughter during our commutes and that sweet little coffee shop.
If I had been able to take a day off during the summer of 2019, I may have not learned how to practice meditation/mindfulness on my feet, at the check register, while driving, as I shopped, and as a practice of BEING rather than something I do at the start of the day to fill up or at the end to replenish.
If I hadn’t made one mistake after another AND simply not had enough time to beat myself up, I may have never learned what GRACE FOR MYSELF felt like. (I mentioned the high standards, yes?) Which is funny because I was going to write a novel this year about a character named GRACE, remember? That didn’t happen, but I’ve got some pretty badass primary research out of the way. LOL
If I hadn’t gone to church on his whim, and heard the message about becoming a witness to Rome, I might have made a decision that would have gotten me out of the litigation in the short-term but triggered a DNA/financial fallout. I also might have missed the opportunity to understand my clients who are changing paradigms in huge and toxic systems, as well as the aha about how my current understanding of “witness” (how I look at a thing, even the legal system, changes the thing) is different than what I learned in Bible class. Maybe being a witness is more about how we BE than what we SAY. Are we sensing the theme here?
If I hadn’t said yes to supporting clients in new ways, I would not have had the opportunity to mindfully interact with unconscious biases and learn how to co-create spaces where souls can focus on healing and lovingly navigate triggers as they happen — where we can learn to trust our own and each other’s goodness again. And I would miss out on some of the incredible yet challenging work that’s landed in my lap for 2020.
This year has been FULL.
And as I look at how 2020 is setting up, I’m grateful for every moment as it looks like I have been well-prepared for all of the laughter, fears, and tears to come.
What are the chances, and opportunities and challenges, of a year in which…
I turn 40.
I celebrate 10 years in business.
My son graduates high school and starts college.
I collaborate with a dozen other messengers to create a new, mindful way.