When is it going to be enough?
It hit me from a few angles in the same week.
Of course there was the typical FB craziness…
The beautiful ads.
Ugh, I wonder if I’ll ever get my shit together on Facebook.
The amazing copywriting.
How long is it going to take to get my copywriting to feel good?
The successful new course launches.
Why haven’t I launched that course yet?
And then there were the “sessions with the mentors”…
“What’s your next project? How will you choose it?”
HA! I didn’t even finish the first one!
“We’ve got a few great coaches in this group. Do one of you want to take this?”
I’d love to help, but they’re not talking about me. I’m not a certified coach.
“So, when you’re testing…(Greek, Greek, Greek…metrics…Greek, Greek, Greek)…”
I don’t want to learn any of this, but how am I ever going to grow my company without it?
And then there were the conversations with some of my most beloved friends…
“I’m tired of knocking my head against the wall trying to get this business off the ground. I think I’m going to get a job that I can do in my sleep.”
“I don’t know if I can live my purpose and be a mom.”
“I feel like a failure, shutting this part of the business down.”
“Amanda, when am I going to get my stuff together and do my thing? Make a difference?”
OH YEAH…I SEE IT NOW…
[BECAUSE IT’S SO DAMN EASY TO SEE IT FOR OTHERS…]
She feels like a failure because she had this huge vision for a business, but why would she feel like a failure for changing her mind about THE HOW to share her beautiful self and gifts with the world?
She feels like she has to choose – Motherhood or Work – but why not choose the one she wants the most now and find a way to do the other enough to satisfy the desire to contribute her gifts?
She feels like a failure because the initial vision was entrepreneurship, when The Wind really wanted to carry her somewhere else to take her work to the world faster.
She just doesn’t see who she is. How is it possible that she doesn’t see that just by being on the other side of the phone last year, she was a pivotal part of the plan to save my life?
I poured my cup of coffee and snuggled into my quiet morning nook, wondering to myself:
When it is gonna be okay for her to admit that her initial vision alone doesn’t fulfill her – that she needs more?
When is it gonna be okay for her to admit that she wants another baby more than she wants to fulfill the other part of her purpose right now?
When is it gonna be okay to let go of the initial vision and relax into what The Wind is bringing her?
When is she going to see that she is already making the difference and being the change?
And then The Wind carried me further and blew my mind that evening…
One of my mentors kept repeating the words, “highest and best good AT THIS TIME” and proceeded to remind my soul of something it somehow already knew.
When we are on a significant growth path – committed to healing old stories and expressing our true intention – then our “highest good” changes as often as we do.
I know, right?
But think about it.
Possibilities expand as we rewrite old stories.
When we rewrite the Victim Story, then the old highest good of “stop being a victim” can transform into “what does it look like to be the author of my life today?” We have more heroic possibilities to choose from because that’s how we see ourselves…AND because those possibilities are no longer being blocked by the Victim Story.
When we rewrite the Intuitive Empath Story from “broken boundaries” to “solid ones,” then the highest good of “staying away from crowds that make us feel sick” can transform into “what crowd can I share my love with today…and even be energized by?”
When we rewrite the “Life always pulls the rug out from under me” Story to “Life is always directing me toward my highest good,” then we can transform the old highest good of “staying hyper-vigilant” to “allowing The Wind to carry me to the next highest good.”
This AHA left me stunned for about a week, as I saw the impact of this way of thinking on my own decision-making and especially coaching other people.
Where I’m at right now is absolutely perfect.
I am focused on healing an old story that has been taking me out at the knees my whole life…and I’m just so close, I can taste the freedom.
I am working on the perfect projects to help me toward this goal – my Mindful Messenger Manifesto and Innerlight Method training.
If I’d lost the BS mind chatter about certification, I could have just stepped in and asked that frantic person, “Which path is in your highest good at this time? The safe path, because it’s what you actually need? Or the scary path, because this is the point in your Story when The Wind is asking you to trust it?” – maybe they would have left the conversation feeling more sure of their decision.
It’s not in my highest good to do a ton of copywriting, ads, and course launching until I integrate the Mess and Mindfulness, cuz I would have to redo all of it anyways.
But it will be…soon.
It’s not in my highest good to build that business model, because I want to spend the next four years with my teenager.
But it will be…soon.
So what is in my highest good…AT THIS TIME?
Not because it’s what ___________ is telling me is the smartest, fastest, or easiest to achieve these goals…
But because it’s what my Soul needs right now?
And THAT is enough…AT THIS TIME.